Sephy’s Platzish

In the last couple of hours, a few people searching for the name of the “Italian” gentleman (MR DON FABIANO JUTOLIO CHICHI) who sent one of my baiting characters a threat the other day.

If you are coming here as a result of looking for this, please do not reply to them. There is nobody coming for you, and the only purpose for the letter is to take your money from you, in the name of supposedly stopping this threat. If you need more assistance, please contact me by leaving a comment or sending me an email by using the button on the right.

Seeing that it’s almost the end of May, that can only mean one thing - Summer’s on its way. Something that is new this summer is the availability full-time of an air conditioning unit. We got it last summer after it was so hot in the latter part of July and basically we reached the breaking point; and now it’s just been re-installed today after sitting in the garage over the winter.

The one thing that I had forgotten about the unit was that (as it sits in the window right next to me) it really blocks a lot of the light. It’s not a lot, but it is enough to be noticeable. Look at it this way - it’s better to have a little light taken away for being able to survive a hot summer day without a fan blowing full blast on your face.

Also, the US Blogs community on BumpZee is growing quite nicely - we’re up to 16 members now, and I think know that it’ll be on the first page of communities within a couple of days. Not too shabby if I say so myself.

And to close, a musical interlude -

In the light of the news that some people missed the announcement of the winner of this year’s American Idol, I would like to make the following suggestion:

Your DVR/PVR has a thing called “flexible scheduling” - that means that you can tell it to record the program and then to record, say, 15 extra minutes at the end of the show. You do not have to record the complete next program, as some people insist. The same thing applies for the beginning of a show - you can tell it to start recording a couple of minutes early.

Just because you can tell it to record a show doesn’t mean you lose total control over your scheduling. In fact, there are computer programs out there (WebScheduler, which I know is used by many Aussies) that will by default extend the recording time of a show.

Then again, maybe we’ve let technology take over some good old common sense…I know that when I used a VCR, I’d always stick an extra minute or two on either side of a program to ensure that I got the whole show, didn’t you? The same applies for folks using a DVD recorder, they’re smart enough to know to extend recording…

This story in the SMH caught my eye yesterday; you wouldn’t really know what it was about from the title, though it is a hint - “Obese, gun-happy and violent; but that’s half the story”. The point is that Fairfax sent Michael Gawenda over here a couple of years ago to be their Washington Correspondent, and in that time, he’s seen both the stereotypical America along with the country that most of us know.

It’s items like this that make me glad for being able to access newspapers and news from around the world, as one point that he makes is very prescient -

It is not surprising that so many Americans consider America to be a world unto itself, which partly at least, explains American provincialism and why many Americans are so apparently incurious about the rest of the world.

If I have failed to convey the complexity of America, I am not alone. Much of the reporting of the place by most foreign correspondents - British, European and Australian - fails the complexity test.

The truth of the matter is that most of the my fellow citizens really only pay attention to what is happening in their area, along with the areas that get coverage from the major news programs and channels. I will disagree with his point about the homelands of the journos who cover this country being complex. If I were sent to, say Australia, with just basic information, or maybe info that I’d culled from a travel guide, there would be a lot of nuance that I’d miss - for example, the split in football codes - Rugby League in NSW, the ACT and QLD, Aussie rules in the other states and territories; Rugby a quiet third, soccer lurking there, and gridiron completely nonexistant.

Nevertheless, it is refreshing to see someone who comes to the country go around and visit the parts of our vast land that don’t get media coverage (read: anywhere other than the Northeast Corridor (that’s Boston to Washington and down into Northern Virginia), Los Angeles, and to a very very much lesser extent, Chicago) to find what I guess you would call the quintessential American.

I have to say that I’d be very interested if they did decide to market his upcoming book here, but I do know that the chances of this happening are likely very small, but you never know.

Important! If you have come here searching for things found in this letter, or if you have received a letter similar to this, do not reply to it - there is no hired assassin coming for you. The purpose of this is to get money from you in order to “save” yourself. If you need more assistance about this, feel free to contact me by leaving a comment or by sending me an email by using the button at the right.

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Something that I don’t mention too often here are the scammers who I bait into believing any amount of stories. Naturally, they try to get *you* to believe their stories as well. So, I was quite surprised to see this email in the inbox of one of my baiting characters (it was dated May 12th and I just noticed it this morning; I don’t check that account too often, eh? :)). Anyway, this is what the message said:

HELLOW Famous person’s name,

I NORMALLY INTRODUCE MY SELF BEFORE I EXECUTE MY JOB,AM MR DON FABIANO JUTOLIO CHICHI,AN ITALIAN CITIZEN,YOU CAN SEE THAT BY MY NAME AND AT THE SAME TIME A HIRED ASSASSINE (AN ASSASINATOR) THAT IS MY JOB.

I LIKE TO GO STARIGHT TO THE POINT,SOME BODY PAID ME US $350,000.00 (THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES OF AMERICAN DOLLAR) FOR ME TO KILL YOU WHILE THE REMAINING BALANCE OF 150,000.00 (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND) WILL BE PAID AFTER THE JOB IS COMPLETED.

BUT BEFORE I CARRY ON MY DUTY,I NORMALLY LIKE TO HER FROM THE PERSON BEFORE HE OR SHE WILL MEET HIS SUDDEN DEATH,I WILL LIKE YOU TO BRIEF ME THE REASON WHY YOU ARE INVOLVED/ABOUT TO BE ASSASSINATE.

MY BOYS ARE NOW AFTER YOU,THAT IS TO SAY,THEY ARE NOW MONITORING YOUR MOVEMENTS,8 OF THEM HAVE ARRIVED YOUR COUNTRY (THE SPIES TEAM) WHILE THE REMAINING 7 WILL BE ARRIVED NEXT WEEK WHICH IS (THE EXECUTION TEAM)
AS SOON AS THE EXECUTION TEAM ARRIVED,CONSIDER YOUR SELF AS A DEAD PERSON BECAUSE THEY WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY OFFER OR WHAT EVER FROM YOU.I WANT TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS MAY BE INVOLVED ONLY IF YOU MAKE THE REPROT TO THE POLICE OR ANY ENFORMENT AGENCIES,THAT IS TO SAY,IF YOU TAKE THE MATTER TO THE POLICE,ALL,I SAID ALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS WILL BE DEAD WITHIN A SHORT TIME BECAUSE I NEVER MISS A TRAGET,I HAVE BEEN IN THE FIELD FOR GOOD 34 YEARS AND SINCE THEN,I HAVE NEVER FAILED/DISAPPOINT ANY OF MY CUSTOMERS.

SO,BE WARNED TILL I HEAR FROM YOU IF YOU LIKE.

DON CHICHI.

It sounds quite scary, but there are a couple of things to note - 1) Take a look at the language - I’ll tell you that in Firefox, there’s a lot of red lines, so a lot of misspelt words and 2) This guy isn’t Italian at all; he’s in Nigeria, based on his IP address in the mail’s headers.

Lastly, this guy isn’t terribly efficient. If his “SPIES TEAM” were really smart, they’d have known where my character was today (hint: think of small tax havens in Europe). Not only that, this guy should have done the job last week, so why did my character appear on live TV around the world three times today?

Speaking of TV, here’s a real question from one of those late night quiz shows -
What tool is used to drive screws into place?
A. Pliers
B. Screwdriver