Let it go…

There’s a theme to my posts lately – that of getting myself sorted out. One of the things that this involves is getting rid of the old habits that I carry with me – such as blaming myself for small things and not being honest with myself about my feelings.

It just happens that this week’s Hump Day Hmm is about letting things go. I am at a point in my life where I must let the “old” me go. If I don’t, I’ll wind up in a much worse situation – one where I am completely alone and probably more depressed than I have been ever. As in not wanting to get out of bed depressed.

Something that I’m doing to help keep myself focused on changing things is putting Post-It® Notes around my monitor. Right now, there are 9 of them. They are as follows –

  • I will not put off things I can do today
  • I will hold myself accountable for following my plans
  • I will not beat myself up for anything
  • I will not make excuses for anything
  • I will make a to-do list every day
  • I will walk every day for at least 30 mins
  • I will drink more water than I have before
  • My world will change when I change
    (Taken from here, point number 2)
  • I will not hide my feelings

The most important one is the note about changing my world. So far, I haven’t done enough to change my world. I’ve made starts, but I always manage to throw myself under the bus for no good reason and put myself back to where I started. One of the things about me (and I think this can be extended to a lot of people in my situation) is that I know what to say, how to say it, but then five minutes after I say it, I get rid of it. The problem with knowing what to say is that after a while, the people you say the same things over and over to will begin to not believe that you’re going to do what you say. I now know that it is squarely on my shoulders to do what needs to be done, and to be proactive with changing things.

That’s exactly what I did today. I told my mother that I needed to get myself sorted out, and the suggestion was given that I look into some of the free healthcare options in the area. I don’t know if they can do everything I need, but it’s definitely a start, and they can probably point me in the right direction to get things going.

Also, I contacted an organization about the possibility of volunteering for them in their offices; I haven’t heard back from them yet, but the fact that I actually contacted them is going further than I had in the past.

It will be a long road, with ups and downs. However, I have to have confidence in myself to know that I can change, and that I can improve myself. Part of that is accountability, thus the posts about my walking, and also you’ll see it come up in my weekly This was the week that was posts, updates on how I’m progressing on my way to making myself better.

8 thoughts on “Let it go…

  1. I think you have a good plan and it’s obvious that you’ve put a lot of thought into it and gotten totally behind it.

    Good luck with everything!

    Also I wanted to tell you that if you need antidepressants – GET THEM. 🙂 They aren’t “happy pills” and it’s not an instant thing but if you need them they will help you over time. The sooner you start taking them, the sooner you feel better.. that is if they are something you and yoru doctor decide you need right now to help you over the hump.

    I have a friend who is suffering from a depression.. she’s going through a divorce.. and she won’t go to the doctor! She’s embarrassed and I can’t figure out why? It’s so frustrating to watch her suffer with something she doesn’t have to!

    There is no shame in getting help when you need it. You have a headache, you take an asprin. It’s as simple as that. It’s not an addictive thing and it’s nothing to be ashamed about either.. we all need a little help getting through rough spots sometimes.

    Hugs 🙂


    PS – Yep, I’ve been on and off anti-depressants myself several times. I’m not ashamed of it. At least I didn’t start doing illegal drugs or trying to drink my issues away, which can happen if you’re depressed and don’t get the proper help. I just took my medicine and being calmer and more focused helped me work things out smoother.

  2. Volunteering is a great idea. In the past before I worked full time I did many different volunteer works and it always made me feel good. The benefits I received were always greater than what I gave. All the best with your intentions and remember to celebrate your wins!

  3. The first step on the journey out of there is often the most difficult. I’m glad you finally took it. 😉

  4. Gerri – This is a plan that’s been there for a long time now – I’m finally seriously committing myself to it. My best to your friend and I hope that she does take the steps she needs to take.

    Also, I have never entertained the thought of illegal drugs or alcohol to get my issues out of the way temporarily; the only real “drug” (if you can call it that even) that I had been taking was caffeine – and even that I’ve cut back on now.

    Thiru – I totally agree – there’s a lot of stuff that I need to let go of – old habits, old attitudes, etc.

    Joh – When I was at the clinic, one of the folks I was talking to mentioned a story about how Kirk Douglas, after he had suffered a stroke became depressed. He then started volunteering and he realized that he wasn’t alone. However, it does say out there that he started volunteering in the 80s…

    Snos – It’s just the first step; there’s a lot more to come 😉

    Thanks y’all

  5. Sadly, a few people who try antidepressants find they work in the opposite direction. My husband becomes almost suicidal on several of the different brands, so we’ve decided to cope without them. Stay in touch with all your friends and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  6. River – from what I was told, a few days into taking an antidepressant, if someone is really depressed and have had been having suicidal thoughts, the new energy they have might be enough for them to make the leap. It might sound harsh, but maybe hospitalization is necessary to get everything sorted out at first.

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