There’s a theme to my posts lately – that of getting myself sorted out. One of the things that this involves is getting rid of the old habits that I carry with me – such as blaming myself for small things and not being honest with myself about my feelings.
It just happens that this week’s Hump Day Hmm is about letting things go. I am at a point in my life where I must let the “old” me go. If I don’t, I’ll wind up in a much worse situation – one where I am completely alone and probably more depressed than I have been ever. As in not wanting to get out of bed depressed.
Something that I’m doing to help keep myself focused on changing things is putting Post-It® Notes around my monitor. Right now, there are 9 of them. They are as follows –
- I will not put off things I can do today
- I will hold myself accountable for following my plans
- I will not beat myself up for anything
- I will not make excuses for anything
- I will make a to-do list every day
- I will walk every day for at least 30 mins
- I will drink more water than I have before
- My world will change when I change
(Taken from here, point number 2)
- I will not hide my feelings
The most important one is the note about changing my world. So far, I haven’t done enough to change my world. I’ve made starts, but I always manage to throw myself under the bus for no good reason and put myself back to where I started. One of the things about me (and I think this can be extended to a lot of people in my situation) is that I know what to say, how to say it, but then five minutes after I say it, I get rid of it. The problem with knowing what to say is that after a while, the people you say the same things over and over to will begin to not believe that you’re going to do what you say. I now know that it is squarely on my shoulders to do what needs to be done, and to be proactive with changing things.
That’s exactly what I did today. I told my mother that I needed to get myself sorted out, and the suggestion was given that I look into some of the free healthcare options in the area. I don’t know if they can do everything I need, but it’s definitely a start, and they can probably point me in the right direction to get things going.
Also, I contacted an organization about the possibility of volunteering for them in their offices; I haven’t heard back from them yet, but the fact that I actually contacted them is going further than I had in the past.
It will be a long road, with ups and downs. However, I have to have confidence in myself to know that I can change, and that I can improve myself. Part of that is accountability, thus the posts about my walking, and also you’ll see it come up in my weekly This was the week that was posts, updates on how I’m progressing on my way to making myself better.