Ooh! A party!

Yep, and I’m invited! Well, along with everyone else who has called my address home over the last 8 years or so…

And there’s a catch – if I buy anything at this party, I have to pay it back – without interest until September, but afterwards, anywhere from 9.99 to 15.99% interest, but there is no fee to join the party, if that’s good news in any way… 😉

So, where is this party? Right now, it’s at the end of a reply-paid envelope which shall be sent to Wilmington, Delaware – otherwise known as the credit card capital of the world (I don’t know if that’s the truth, but the name definitely fits! Lo and behold, I check out Wikipedia and that name is listed under nicknames…)

Anyway, this has to be the third or fourth different solicitation I’ve received from the Discover card company for this exact same card – it’s always in a gray envelope, usually with a window for my name, but this time they must have run out of those envelopes, so they put my name in pseudo handwriting on the front of the envelope. Unfortunately, the other envelopes that came today had the window, so I was supposed to feel that little extra special, if you know what I mean. 😉

Anyway, usually I bin these letters, but I opened it up out of curiosity, and I’m greeted by this friendly message:

You’re invited to enjoy
the rewards of a Discover® More® Card

Ah, but the details get even better, as we go on to find out that:

 

Only a select group receives this special 0% APR* on purchases until September 2008

Ah, so selective, eh? Just my whole household, and probably everyone in my zip code, along with everyone living in, say, a 20 mile radius of here? It continues…

It’s for those who have achieved a certain level of financial success–and who expect and demand exceptional rewards, personalized account management options and superior customer service from their credit card.

Um, Discover®? If you knew anything about me, you might be aware that I don’t have a job right now. So, I might suggest that you find someone who has an income, as they’re more likely to pay their bill in full every month. Obviously, we all know how much you love those people – they’re your favourite customers, right?

Actually, that’s quite far from the truth. In the world of credit cards, people who pay their bills in full every month are actually considered deadbeats as they’re not making these hyper-mega-super-banks any money from paying interest back to them. Their favourite customers are the ones who just pay the minimum payment on their cards – most of that money goes towards interest – or, to be accurate – the bank’s coffers.

But, the offer I’m given gets better. Not only do I get a 0% APR on all purchases through September, I get the following –

You’re eligible for a number of benefits not always available to others — including more ways to earn more cash than any other card, $0 fraud liability guarantee and of course no annual fee

Also, if you don’t live in Alaska, Florida, Iowa, Nevada, Oregon, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Wisconsin Puerto Rico, Guam, US Virgin Islands, or any other state with similar laws, you can have the debt (up to $25,000) cancelled if you would pass away while carrying a balance. Though, this only comes if you are a member of the Payment Protection offer, which you have to pay 0.89% of your total balance to be a member of.

The last thing worth mentioning in this very lovely solicitation is the fact that, since it’s a credit card, you get money back every so often. The figure they throw at you is 5% on purchases, but that doesn’t include most purchases throughout the year, which they claim are rewarded at 1%. However, what is the truth? That can be found on the back of the second page, and I quote:

REWARDS: Earn unlimited cash rewards on all purchases. Earn a full 5% Cashback Bonus on category purchases throughout the year by participating in each program. In addition, earn a full 1% unlimited Cashback Bonus on all other purchases after your total purchases exceed $3,000; other purchases that are part of your first $1,500 earn .25% and other purchases that are part of your second $1,500 earn .50%. Warehouse purchases (those made at select warehouse clubs, discount stores and their affiliates) earn .25%. We do not include warehouse purchases or 5% Cashback Bonus program purchases (up to the dollar limit specified in each applicable program) in calculating your total annual purrchases to determine your tier level. Rewards are redeemable in $20 increments. Rewards have no expiration date; however, if you raccount is closed for any reason or inactive for 18 consecutive months or if you fail to make the Minimum Payment Due by the Payment Due Date for two consecutive billing periods, your Cashback Bonus will be forfeited. Full terms and conditions will be sent with your card.

That’s certainly a mouthful, and definitely doesn’t sound as uncomplicated as the letter made it sound!

And speaking of customizing your account, once you’re a cardmember, you can personalize your card by choosing from over 150 different card designs. Not only can you show off your style, but everyone on your account can select a favorite design too.

Oh, and I guess Discover doesn’t want me as a customer anyway. I had a read of the 5-point text on the application, under the line that says TOTAL HOUSEHOLD INCOME1*

*Alimony, child support, or separate maintenance income need not e disclosed if you do not wish us to consider it as basis for repayment. Except for full-time students, you must have a minimum annual household income of $15,000 to be considered for any Discover Card.

Aw shucks. Here I was already planning vacations that I was going to take on this card… 😉 😈 😆